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Friday, July 23, 2010

PostHeaderIcon Rainy day at the grove

I like rainy days in the summer. Being one of those creatures who have light colored sensitive eyes, I applaud days with less intense sunlight. Now I love sun, don't get me wrong, but I also appreciate the rainy, lush, easy-on-the-eyes days where there isn't the squinting going on that happens on days, well frankly, like yesterday. God gave us all days, so I'm grateful, but I can tell I'm fitted for the rainy day lush. The Garden of Eden comes to mind.

That said, I'm still adjusting to the expectations of the novitiate. I remember the difficulty of a 36 day silent retreat I took about 6 years ago. You are confronted with stuff you don't usually have to deal with, for example, boredom and loneliness. I'm not afraid of those feelings and they are natural human feelings, though they can be attacked by evil spirits of the same name. Of course the Eternal Father overlooks and allows temptations from evil spirits, so there is a lesson learned, hopefully and merit earned. Before we forget we are called the church militant, so there is a battle going on, whether we are conscience of it or not, believe it or not, or are honest enough to admit it. But for the novitiate, being the desert experience, in some regards, it is only natural to have to wrestle with boredom and loneliness. Now, as my religious brothers have advised, I've got a good schedule but it isn't quite the same without the usual human interaction. I have a great novice director, Fr. Eugene and my house brothers have been very hospitable and fun-loving since I've been here, but yet there is still me in a new place...the adjustment, the transition...loneliness.

I invite Our Lord and Lady into it of course, going deeper and looking for the source, in case there is something more there..recounting the other times of my life when I've been lonely. Thinking of my psych training...sitting with the feeling, not fearing it, sorta looking at it..studying it and talking to Jesus and Mary about it, as the drizzle of New York rain coat the blacktop outside with a glisten. I'm thinking of the New Testament passage yesterday in class about the calling of the twelve...Jesus says, "bring out to the deep..." Perhaps that is just what Jesus is calling me to do in my loneliness...calling me out into the deep. Go bravely into the darkness....where'd I hear that one?

I have class in 15 minutes....may Our Lord and Lady direct us all to be honest and brave, objective to our feelings and choose the good Will of the Father. Peace....

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Patrick
Mercedarian Novice, photographer, humorist, handy-man, fence-builder, prayer warrior, lover of Eucharist and Blessed Mother and Holy Mother Church.
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